Yes …. I’ve chosen to be single.
You know what I get tired of hearing?
That the reason I am single is because a man abused me.
Let that soak in.
Yes, I was in a very abusive relationship. That type that makes your stomach turn and your bed seem like a sentence to a crime you never committed but …
It most definitely is not why I am single.
Please, let’s not give him the power that I took back for myself.
The power to choose.
The power to be content in solitude.
The power to choose myself, and moments and hours in the evenings, for journaling and reading and catching up with friends and long baths and well… whatever I want to do.
The power to lay in a bed, on my own, and feel as though I’m warm and secure and comforted all by myself
The power to self discover and fall and weep and scream and realize I gotta lean on me in those moments
The power of looking at no face but mine in the mirror and still find myself worthy of being told I was beautiful and worthy, if even only uttered by my lips
The power of getting ready and not having anyone to impress
The power of gaining weight and telling myself that it was all good and we could rock this
The power to realize I don’t have to ask someone else to hang this, or move that, or do this or that and that I sweat and swear, hang things lopsided, and get bruised and banged up attempting to move things and that the frustration in learning how to do things for the first time and glorifying my attempts and the many holes in my walls as me stepping into discomfort
The power that I get to grab coffee with humans and build relationships and have soulful conversations and feel so content in that and not feel as though I have to invite them back to my bed
The power that I have to feel confident, good, and completely liberated when I get to discover places for the first time and feel as though I’m good enough to share them with
The power I get to not follow society’s rules that I should technically be already married and have reproduced again by now and feel good that I’ve taken time to get to know ME
The power to realize I needed time to heal and grieve and celebrate and learn and be humbled and grow …. on my own
The power in feeling loneliness and sadness and the power to question why I just “wasn’t feeling it”
The power of letting myself have time to feel loneliness and sadness instead of filling the void without growth and healing
The power of realizing areas I needed to work on and heal through
The power of realizing I could lean harder than at times stand on my own
The power of realizing I am loyal and capable of loving selflessly
The power of choice in itself
The power of being a woman and owning my choices when society may disagree
The power of being able to stand in what I feel strongly about
The power to feel
The power to not see singleness as selfish yet freeing and so full of love and light
The power to have patience and to love this time of my life
The power to feel I am worthy as I am and not only if accompanied by a plus 1
The power that dating simply just hasn’t been a priority and that I’ve listened to my soul on this one
The power to step into my story and give my soul what it needs
The power to step into discomfort and to Rock out a new profound and terrifying way of life
The power of realizing I honestly don’t want glimmer on my finger when others my age are staring through glass ring windows
The power of listening to my intuition, not settling, and realizing what a partner in life actually looks like for me
The power to venture to spots on my own and sit full of glory & peace that I’m worthy, all on my own.
Abuse has in deed rocked my world & I have learned what love looks like and what it sure does not ever need to resemble and within relations I will take extra love and grace and compassion with myself and my partner (if this serves me and knocks me out of this absolutely loving being single mindset) but it’s never going to keep me from loving fiercely or from pursuing what sets my soul on fire, it’s just going to look different– and me taking this time … gets me even more hyped to love the world or a partner, due to knowing how I give love best and how I receive love best…. because I’ve taken this time for myself.
When you give abuse power for some of the most profound, awakening, real and humbling and most radical years of my life … you are saying that there must be a reason I choose to journey through singleness and that there must be rhyme or reason that I’m totally cool with “just not being interested.”
Why should this even be a thing?
I don’t know … but it is.
Singleness does not need any further implication, reasonings, or side stories explaining its existence in your life my fierce ladies out there. Dude, do it… radically and without explanation and fearlessly for all that it is serving in your life right now.
You can be you, in all your magic, by yo self.
Your singleness is just as badassary and someone’s awesome relations. Speak about it as such.
Hey, I’m A soul grinder & I’m single & it’s actually a choice I’ve made… not something resulting from this mess of a beautiful journey that I claim on a daily.
Just as you chose your journey to love and be loved by another, I chose to finally love and be loved by the woman I am today …
& there was a lot I didn’t know or love about her.
I had lost her
I had not loved her
I had in many senses abandoned her and talked so negatively and harsh towards her & forgotten how powerful and how sacred & beloved of a being she was …
that I am.
that WE are.
We are love, all by ourselves people.
This does not mean we do not need love because oh do I need that and thrive surrounded by that …
But we have that within us as well.
Never forget that loves.
& to all my single love warriors
Carry on & embrace this glorious time of your life & when you find that love for yourself; find a love that doesn’t not hurt in any shape or form.
You are worthy of this.
“It is when I stopped searching for home within others and lifted the foundations of home within myself I found there were no roots more intimate than those between a mind and body that have decided to be whole” Rupi Kaur
The Soul Grind